Everyday we learn something new, or it was a wasted day. Today I learned that I have lived like a coward for to long now. I am deciding to change this after having this epiphany. I will no longer shy from things I feel that are correct, I will no longer change my ways to please another, I will not bend to pressure, I will do what I know is right, I will preform to the fullest of my potential and I most certainly will not forget that I have been a coward. I will live a life that I can step away from and say I enjoyed this. A coward not in the eyes of the world but in my own eyes. I haven’t the slightest clue if this applies to anyone else, and most certainly is not the most riveting piece I have every written, but I felt the need to write it somewhere. SO that someday, perhaps, when I forget today’s lesson, they could be so kind as to remind me. If that favor falls upon you, please do not hesitate. Thank you for your help and time.

npr:

“Researchers from the University of Rochester and North Carolina State University have for the first time sent a message using a beam of neutrinos — nearly massless particles that travel at almost the speed of light,” U of R reports.

And they pushed the message — which simply spelled out the world “Neutrino” — through “240 meters of stone” (787 feet).

What if we could shoot a message through the center of the planet and back in time?

That’s right, as Live Science puts it: “For the first time, scientists have used neutrinos — the exotic fundamental particles that routinely pass right through Earth — to send a message through the ground.” -Mark Memmott

From ifunny, it was irresistible.

npr:

Bruce Springsteen offered much to take away from his keynote address at Austin’s annual South by Southwest music festival. He advised young musicians to believe in their own greatness — and to admit it when they suck. (Springsteen used that word frequently during his apparently wholly self-penned speech.) Chronicling his own artistic development, he talked about how doo-wop taught him about sex, country music helped him understand despair and Woody Guthrie revealed the political roots of the fatalism he’d heard in Hank Williams — then he made the crowd feel Guthrie’s complicated passion in their own throats by leading a singalong of “This Land Is Your Land.”

What does music mean to you?

To my friends who recently received the Singletary Scholarship;

First and foremost congrats!!! Secondly, and equally important, the battle is just beginning. the true challenge is maintaining this amazing opportunity you have. I wish you the best of luck, and if you need anything let me know. See you soon.

This is the final post concerning my social connections course and the things I have learned from it. However, I hope it is not the last time that the things i learned in this course are present in my mind for I feel that they can be instrumental in the bettering of myself for the pressing future. After this week I will be 3/4 of the way done with my first year of college. Time flies. I have learned lots of things at the University of Kentucky mainly for the classroom, but Social Connections has taught me several skills that are for outside the classroom. I will attempt to pass this knowledge onto you as best I can.

After completing the three books required for this course I pulled together some final things from them that I feel are most important.

Dale Carnegie; Be A Leader. This was not an actual principle instead an encompassing guideline. I feel that Dale Carnegie’s book was more of a how to book about being a leader, than a book about simply bettering yourself. One of my favorite parts of Carnegie’s book was arguably the simplest. Part Two, Principle Two, Smile. Seems simple enough right? If we look back in history we can almost see that people who smile are remembered as the best leaders. Teddy Roosevelt was never seen with a smile on his face. Even Abraham Lincoln who led the country at the time of its greatest crisis was viewed smiling often. I have incorporated this into my lifestyle at every opportunity I can find. My friends have said that I have smiled more in the last few weeks than they can ever remember, and let me say that with Midterms on the horizon it isn’t because I’m ridiculously happy.

Continuing with Carnegie, Part One, Principle Two, Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation. We all have known that since we were young that “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.” This is essentially what Carnegie is elaborating on. It works wonders. The use of this principle makes discussing any event minor or major with anyone is incredibly simplified. Even when you simply state, “good point.” In an argument people will take note of it no matter how upset at you they are. This can make generating conversation with them so much easier.

Now for Another of my favorite Carnegie Principles, Part Two, Principle One, Become genuinely interested in people. In other words be an active listener. This concept is another concept that isn’t new, but still forgotten. If we could only remember this when we are attempting to influence people perhaps we could get more things done in this world. More things done for the better. If people could only remember that doing good for themselves isn’t always whats best for everyone else then maybe just maybe, this world has a future that is getting brighter rather than duller. We live in a time of loss and recession, we are changing into a place that we may not enjoy as much as we enjoy the place we have grown up in. The world needs leaders to stand for what they know and what they believe in. This is our calling. All of us have heard ideas about fate and destiny and the meaning of life, well ours is too lead. We are up to bat, the only question is do we swing or just strike out, because the world walks nobody.

This class has also taught me to be a little more open with people. Human nature tells us to be shy and enclosed, yet when we opem up to people bonds are formed which generates trust which in turn generates oppurtunity. What we do with this oppurtunity can help define who we are. We have taken the first step in seizing oppurtunity by coming here to this University we cannot let many oppurtunities slide because eventually they stop showing themselves. We are taking on the world as we grow older and I feel that this course has helped to give me a shot at it.

On a lighter note, Christakis and Fowler gave us a different view of how we are connected to people. they imply that our friends friends influence us. This is a new concept that I find very interesting. The book gets dull incredibly fast though. However the TED talk from Christakis is excellent I recommend you take 20 minutes to look it up and watch it. College is giving us an experience to expand our social connections and increase these webs to new vast places. So meet all the people you can and make good quality connections with good quality people.

Now we come to John Gottman. As a freshman in college I was highly sketchy about reading a book about marriage. It however, was still very relevant in my world. Gottman spoke mainly of dealing with marital conflict but his strategies can be used in simple conflicts with people we are not romantically involved with. He spoke of the four horseman of the apocalypse, As in four things that will doom you in a relationship. Well I feel that these horseman are present in all arguments and need to be avoided. The most important of these horsemen to be avoided is Stonewalling. Essentially balling up and delivering the silent treatment with an occasional hurtful remark. This kills any attempt at a conversation. This makes talking to someone almost miserable. The method I have began to use to avoid stonewalling is by simply avoiding the conflict, another one of Gottman’s principles. I feel that Gottman’s book had many excellent points in that can all be summarized into a simple sentence. The key to success in any relationship is happiness. Including your relationship with life. If we are to be successful in our lives we must be happy with our lives, we cannot be miserable.

On a final note learn from everything, this class was a in a set of required courses for me, I was simply forced to take it because of everything else going on in my collegiate life. I could not have been happier with the choice I did not choose. It was a true learning experience. I hopefully will not forget the things I learned from everyone in the class. People were outspoken, Nathan was personable, the books were fairly interesting. I wish that they continue to take this course to new levels, and possibly extend it to all students as an opportunity to take and to learn from the material in the course, but especially to learn from the people. We learn more from one another than we could ever learn from a book. I wish to become a lifetime learner and this course has helped me do that. Thank you for your time this semester. Good luck to you and your future aspirations.

John Gottman continues his trek into the marital world with some seemingly simple advice. A good friend of mine once said that its the little things that matter and that simplicity is the key to happiness. He begins this assessment on marriage as making i seem as if you are waging a war against the conflict that marriage brings to a rise. Almost as if it was a war? He defines all problems in a marriage in two polar categories, Perpetual and Solvable.

As we enter this topic Gottman and I reach a harsh impasse. “Despite what many therapists will tell you, you don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive.” I agree with this statement to an extent but I also fundamentally disagree. Gottman gives rise to the unanswerable question. Children, unquestionably a major question. If one partner wants children and the other has no interest then how can they simply come to terms and avoid this argument? How do they simple just ignore the question. I feel that this major problem should be talked about before the vows are spoken. In today’s society many young couples simple become overly engrossed in talks of major and true love that they force something before it is ready. Also some marriages are indeed questionable about their origin. In class discussion one major question was brought up about arranged marriage. When a classmate who came from an arranged household answered the question the class had an epiphany. He spoke of the marriage with this analogy, “In an arranged marriage the pot begins cold and grows warm with time. In other marriages the pot grows cold with time.” This was a new way to talk about arranged marriages. In our society we have a preconceived notion about how we see marriages that were not chosen. This was an outstanding new way to think about this concept. I just thought you all would enjoy this.

Anyway continuing with Gottman, he speaks of some solvable problems which I agree entirely with this part of the book. I also feel that this portion can tell us more about friendships than partnerships. This begins with Principle five of John Gottman’s book, “Solve your Solvable Problems.” Seems simple enough right? However, the part that Gottman doesn’t explicitly mention is that the wrong method of making choices can change a problem from Solvable to Perpetual. First impression make a huge difference especially on touchy issues. Gottman understands this and proves his deep understanding by talking about approaching a problem softly. He then has a questionnaire that I think we could all take. Some more simple tips that I find incredibly effective and just want to share briefly with you all are: ‘Complain bu don’t blame’, ‘Make I statements’, ‘Describe the situation’, ‘Be Clear’, ‘Be Polite’, and ‘Be Appreciative.’ All of these concepts would be incredibly beneficial in our day to day conflicts with our friends family and partners. After reading this section I have attempted to practice these principles on a day to day basis and they seem to be accomplishing drastic measures in my controversies. Since applying these very simple ideas I am yet to have a major argument with anyone. At all. Yes, I have had some discrepancies but I have not gotten into a large disagreement with anybody. I feel that this personal analysis speaks for itself.

John Gottman continues to break ground with his idea of repair attempts. He talks of repairing damage that you unintentionally have done to the person you are quarrelling with. Simply apologizing can be the most effective repair attempt. The next concept is damage control. Gottman says; “Your future can be bright even if your disagreements tend to be very negative. The secret is learning the right damage control.” He begins with the concept of tone. Tone is possibly the most important part of dealing with people controversially. If your tone sends a poor message then what is to keep the controversy from getting out of hand? If the wrong tone is set then the argument is doomed, this goes back to Gottman’s idea of a soft start up. Gottman next continues with repair attempts and talks of smoothing the issue over. He states a bold simple fact; “It is harder for a man’s body to calm down after an argument than a woman’s.” This is arguably true, but having seen only one side of the story I do not know how to take this statement. It is common sense that when a person is calm a person is easier to talk to. If we as a society could simply calmly discuss our conflicts I feel that we would get a lot more accomplished. This is no easy task. We get fired up as part of our nature, passion brings our emotions into an argument. This reduces our capacity to be negotiated with. Gottman says to calm down and speak with logic and reason, instead of raging emotion and to understand where your partner comes from rather than bull rush them with emotions and assaults and defensive modes. Which transitions nicely into his next concept, of flooding. He ties in the concept of overwhelming your partner with a large amount of concepts.

Finally he brings forth the most important concept he has introduced, Compromise. He begins, as a recurring theme in this book, with a blunt statement. “Like it or not, the only solution to marital problems is to find a compromise.” All of his previous steps about controversy lead to compromise. Henry Clay was know as the “Great Compromiser” mainly for his work in manipulating Congress in some of the most harsh times in American history. He had a successful marriage. One thing Clay and Gottman share is that common ground is ridiculously important. Clay understood what the North and South needed just as Gottman understands what both partners need. He closes this section with a brief note about tolerance, which covers itself. Tolerance is key to accepting and compromising with people. We all know this, we just sometimes forget. I ask you to remember to speak softly but firmly, repair the damage that is unintentionally inflicted. And most importantly argue with an open mind, and then try not to argue. I know its tricky, but if life was easy then what would we learn from? Thanks for reading =] See ya next week.

Ok so once again I have conducted a social experiment and this one has some surprising and the some not so surprising results. I interviewed three people all of whom were connected in the following way
Person A -best friend of Person B
Person B -Test Subject
Person C -Dating person B

So some questions were asked to each person about the other two people. Then the person was asked to give answers for themselves; I decided to categorize their responses in respect for your attention span.

When asked about their two closest best friends Person A responded with person B and a person not involved in the study. Person B said both person A and C. Person C said neither of the two. This was slightly confusing seeing how that B and C have been dating for well over a year. I would have liked to pursue this questions a little more but it was not possible during the limited time my volunteers were available.

The other non-typical result occurred when the people were asked about what stress the others were feeling at the moment. Person A was able to answer almost exactly the stresses that Persons B and C were feeling. Person B was able to correctly answer Person A’s troubles but not Person C. and Person C blanked on all.

This is highly interesting because the person who is not romantically involved was more inclined to have knowledge of the hardships of the person. This was very interesting because I was under the assumption that the ‘thrid wheel’ would care very little about the hardships in comparison to the romantic partner.

This study was intriguing and I would like to continue it if possible, and I would suggest that anyone interested in the connections between people should indeed continue this attempt.

First off I’d like to apologize for the brevity of last weeks blog. I hope this one can make up some ground lost. John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work is essentially a how to guide. The book begins by slamming Oprah and Dr. Phil (a nice twist to the book, I thought) then continuing instantly into the principles of a successful marriage and many examples on the possibility of a successful marriage. The author, Gottman, begins his book with an extensive claim that he can predict a successful marriage within five minutes of talking to a couple; and after reading a fairly decent portion I have found no reason to doubt his capacity.

Let’s begin by discussing Gottman’s idea of love maps. Gottman describes a love map as the amount of knowledge that you have about your partner. His first principle of enhancing your love maps is not a brand new idea. However, it is a crucial one. The idea of getting to know your partner better is one of Gottman’s most crucial ideas. His way of getting to know your partner is a little more original. He begins by telling the story of a pediatrician who is incredibly successful in the medical field but doesn’t even know the family dog’s name. Or where the back door in his own house is. This story was a very powerful way to strike a message about the necessity of the love map idea. Now for the solution to not let this happen to you and your partner, “They know each other’s goals in life, each other’s worries, each other’s hopes.” He also continues on by comparing the biblical term ‘know’ to its now present terminology of sexual love. He insists that to truly sexually love someone you must truly know them.

This idea is truly more complex than we can understand I feel. If we truly know everything about our partner then how can we continue to be curious about our partner how do we truly learn from them? I think Gottman is saying that there is a fine line between omniscient and involved. We should genuinely care about all of our partner’s worries and cares and fears and hopes and dreams; but we must also leave enough left undiscovered so that tomorrow could have the joy of learning again with your partner. So do not get overwhelmed by all that your partner has to tell, but do not ignore what they say either. You must learn and teach together, grow and develop together and most import natly be happy together.

Which continues nicely into the next Principle; “Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration”. The pediatrician that was mentioned to have the love map that would not suffice for an ant has a vastly happier tale to tell in chapter two. He and his wife seek marriage counseling and found a great success. One of my favorite quotes from this section is; “Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. Although happily married couples may feel driven to distraction at times by their partner’s personality flaws, they still feel that the person they married is worthy of honor and respect. In today’s society honor and respect are harder than every to obtain and maintain. Gottman emphasizes the necessity of these things in a marriage/relationship. He understands that we must treat our partner as equals rather than compliments to our personalities. We compliment there’s and they compliment ours. We are as crucial to our partner’s happiness as the air they breathe. If your partner is stuck in a miserable relationship then how are you happy? Do you just ignore the facts of the situation and accept how they treat you? Or do you attempt too advance your relationship? I feel that Gottman says we should attempt to enhance our relations with what else but fondness and admiration?

Gottman also insists upon the history of a relationship and its affect on our current status. Essentially he says that happy couples place a positive spin on their past episodes/controversies. From personal experience this couldn’t be more true. “History repeats itself” is a fairly constant saying that my high school teacher nailed into my head countless times. And he was right. Our relationships between friends and loved ones alike. If we remember the good times and dissipate the bad then we have a much better shot of making newer happier better memories. Including more and more friends and better and better people.

The final portion of this section of Gottman’s book is about reviving the admiration in your partner. He suggests a very simple task of meditating on the things you love about your partner and how happy they have made you in the past. This concept once more can also apply to our friends and family. If we remember how much we truly care about them and the thigns they do for us. Then we can grow to appreciate all of the things that they do for us. He lists several ways to fan the flames of admiration with your partner through several exercises. If you and your partner are having some issues then these exercises appear to be effective. I would suggest trying them out.

Gottman’s book is more of a how to book than anything else. This book will undoubtedly help me to enhance some of my relationships with friends and partner alike. I suggest it to be read by anyone who has friends or a partner or seeks to grow there love map. The book with do wonders for your relationships. See ya next week. Thanks for reading.

Due to the nature of this assignment the people interviewed wished to remain anonymous. So subject A was in a relationship and subject B was not. When interviewing both of these male participants were interviewed on the same day and within 2 hours of each other. The questions I asked them were very similar just worded different. We will begin with the questions after distinguishing the demographic.

Question: What are your plans for this evening, being Valentines Day, and all?
A: Well I have a date with my girlfriend and three other couples and we are doing a fairly nice dinner at the local Mexican restaurant.

B: I’m going to hang out with my friends and we are probably going to play some Call of Duty and such, ya know just another tuesday night.

Question: How much money do you plan to spend today or deliver in gifts today?
A: I purchased some jewelry for my girlfriend and I got flowers and then I believe I’m buying dinner tonight. So somewhere around 200 dollars.
B:Well I guess like 20 between dinner and pop and snacks. Nothing to illustrious though.

After seeing these two simple questions answered by two similar people, with two very different perspectives. I have come to the conclusion that people still wish to have companionship on this day single or involved. Just the manner of the companionship is different. People still share the craving that is discussed in our syllabus. We need each other, whether romantically or just as friends. So enjoy peoples company and the things they offer.